|
by
G.K. Feldman
I was 21 years old when I got married … and then I
was 31 years old when I got married!
Thankfully, both marriages occurred before I had my children, when I
still had that long, lean, tight body
(sorta), the one I dream about now like some women dream about Twinkies
and Wise Potato Chips and being young, and younger, and
younger still. You
know what I mean, pre-sagging body components, when everything seemed
reasonably firm and my breasts still passed the “pencil
test.”
Ah, but time passes. I grew older…
my children grew. Alas, so did my belly! What’s the deal with gravity,
anyway? Suddenly my stomach wore this perpetual smile -- created by the
physician who carefully cut my caesarian section (sic). He actually
told me, after delivery, that I would be able to wear a
bikini again!
Again? Little did he know that my body had never shown itself in a
bikini before and who was he kidding, it wouldn’t now, for sure!
Oh well, thankfully, my husband wasn’t looking so great either. Together
we entered the middle-age
abyss! His paunch, my perpetual smile … we were quite the pair.
Till suddenly, life took an unexpected turn; my husband was diagnosed
with terminal cancer. After a year I’d rather forget, he passed away and
there I was ALONE.
After his passing a lot changed. Old friends’ left, new
friends came; it’s
hard being a widow.
Time passed. And then the “d” word entered my world …
DATING!!!
Oy!
How could I even think of
having another man
in my life? When your breasts sag
beyond a dozen pencils and lines have crept up
onto my … everything … well, I wasn’t feeling exactly middle-aged
confident. Gray
hairs were springing every which way out of my head and (ugh) my chin!?
Whatever happened to the
girl
I used to be? The only thing I had in common with her was the
insecurity
I felt as a teenager on my first date. I couldn’t believe I was about to
have to enter the dreaded dating playing-field again. And by the way,
trust me when I tell you that this playing-field is anything but level!
PARANOIA!
I was doomed!! How was I going to make headway, if the 50-something
year old men were seeking svelte
30-something year old women? Well, I would. I stood
tall (or as tall as
my osteoporosis-ridden body allowed) and
confident (fake it until you make it),
fought and found a lot of courage that I didn’t know I had and wandered
into the land of cyber- dating! Trust me, it wasn’t pretty!
So, let me tell you about the
guys I met.
LIARS!
I had
stretchmarks; they
stretched the truth, whether it was about their weight, height, or
general appearance, What you saw was NOT
what you got. The posted photographs I scrutinized might have been them
taken when many of these lads were just exiting adolescence.
I, on the other hand, was
determined to be blatantly honest
about what I look like and who I am! I wrote my profile carefully and
included a very recent photograph of myself. Most importantly I refused
to lie about my age, despite the coaxing I received from many of my
friends. Lying, I knew, was certainly not the way to begin a
relationship with
anyone!
I included a line in my profile
that read like this: “I appreciate the absurdities of life because there
are so many!” as well as, “I haven’t done this in many, many years and
it totally freaks me out!”
I met a lot of frogs before I
kissed my prince. There was someone out there who found my
honesty refreshing.
He is (yes, present tense) 6 years my junior, quite adorable, and
actually was looking for a woman who knows who she is!
Later, I was to learn that
this probably stemmed from the fact that his ex-wife is 10 years his
junior! His first e-mail to me confirmed his knowledge of the
aforementioned “absurdities,”
and he wasn’t too happy with the dating game either. We met, we liked
each other, and we became INTIMATE!
Freak out!
I frantically bought
lingerie that would
sit strategically upon my body! When we were
romantic, I made sure
that it was past sundown, and all the lights were off. I learned that
candlelight
can be quite flattering, and I scattered candles everywhere because,
really, honesty only goes so far.
But you know what I came to
realize? He didn’t give a damn! Imagine that. He actually likes the
folds in my skin, tells me that he adores the fact that one side of my
body is tight and boney, and the other is soft and mushy! He traces the
paths that my
varicose veins take on my legs, and listen to this … .he
encouraged me to let the gray
show on my head and to toss away the hair coloring routine forever!
He loves
me!!!
Yes, he loves me for who I am,
and what I believe in. He loves the fact that we
share interests, We
thoroughly enjoy each others’ company, regardless of what it is we may
choose to do. We’ve become great friends
as well as lovers.
And so fellow
middle-aged dating women, I give you this
advice: Love yourselves
for who you are, and it will reflect on how you
act with others. You don’t really want the men who are simply looking
for a trophy to hang on their arm! You are no longer 30, and that is a
good thing!
Your face shows the
wisdom of your years,
and your body may be a bit different than it used to be, but pay
it no mind! Go forth in life with
confidence and
dignity. You’ve
earned it! And always remember to enjoy all that you have gleaned from
your life’s experiences.
Oh, and one last bit of
advice: please keep in mind that it shouldn’t be necessary to turn ALL
the lights off!
G.K. Feldman is a charter member of
The Bobbypin Generation. She is an educational consultant specializing
in learning disabilities and college placement in the Washington, D.C.
area. She readily admits that life has thrown her a curve or two or
three, but she has learned not to fear life's ups and downs and
encourages all to garner strength and courage from the pitfalls
(or is it pratfalls)?
She is most proud to have landed on her feet through it all, and to
still find the humor in whatever roadblocks cross her path. |